CWFL (Chicken Wings For Life)

If I could only ever have one part of the chicken it would have to be the wings. They perfectly encapsulate the best parts of the humble bird and have the perfect proportion of skin, fat, red meat and white meat. I could honestly eat these things roasted as is all day, everyday.

But what if you deep fry them? Well then, my friend, you have passed through the looking glass into culinary heaven. And if it has to be chicken wings, then it has to me Morleys.

They act as a franchise, as such they don't directly own all their stores, and I will admit some of their offerings are not as good as others (in my opinion you should avoid the BBQ ribs). By God though if there is one thing I can't get enough of, and would heartily recommend (for as long as that organ survives on a chicken wing diet), are their hot wings.

Here's a dozen of them in a box in case you thought I was joking

Just looking at that picture makes me salivate; the greatest example of the perfect wing. The crispy skin, the spicy and salty coating, the succulent chicken, the moist skin...

Give me a minute alone please...

Okay, I'm fine now. I won't deny that this isn't exactly material to win the next London marathon. If you are looking for your next fast food obsession (as I constantly am) then I have no qualms pointing you in the direction of your closest Morleys outlet.

Just tell them I sent you please. I'm sure they'll post me some wings in the mail or something for my efforts.

Mozzarella di Bufala: The Posh Pizza Topping

Mozzarella di Bufala (also know to non-Italians as Buffalo Mozzarella) is one of those things that most people probably should care about but don't. I mean you buy the normal stuff, shred it on a pizza and enjoy; why should I have to bother with the "proper" buffalo one? Chefs without budgets and unfaltering supporters of quality food will likely scorn that statement but, with the product being roughly about £16 per kilo and visibly identical, it's not without merit.

It's written in Italian, of course it's expensive

So I decided to bite the bullet and get some myself. On a side note for it to be the real deal it has to specifically be called Mozzarella di Bufala and has to be certified, otherwise it wasn't produced in Italy and may or may not be as good.

It's supposed to look like a malformed cue ball

On the touch it's somewhat bouncy, indicating that the inside is wetter than the outside. Once you strip off a piece you can see how the outside is more like cows milk mozzarella and the inside is soft and gooey, almost partially set.

The flavour itself is very subtle. It starts off completely neutral but as you let it dissolve in your mouth the qualities of the buffalo milk start to come through. Creamy, lactose fattiness with a slightly sour tang at the end of it, leaving the tongue completely reset for another bite. It reminds me more of a good quality whole milk than of any cheese; it's really quite remarkable. You certainly wouldn't think what you just consumed was approximately 25% fat.

Compared to standard mozzarella it's a lot softer, the contrast between the outside and inside is greater, it breaks apart like cottage cheese rather than in thick strips and it actually tastes of something. When you grill it the flavours and texture are exemplified; it's the ultimate nacho topping.

All in all, is it worth it? Yes and no. If it is destined to be grilled or sit with a menagerie of other cheeses on a pizza I don't suppose the average dinner will exactly suffer from a lack of buffalo mozzarella. But if it's going to stand alone, or if you really want to make your food that extra bit more awesome, you owe it to yourself to use the original and the best.

Besides, it's gooey, creamy, fatty, moreish cheese. What other excuse do you need?

There's A New Monster In Town

Back in aught nine I used to run and write for a website called Inspired By Caffeine that comprised of consuming and reviewing energy drinks. Honestly it was pretty much a hobby that I happened to document but I did get sent free crates of drinks from various companies, boosting my teenage ego, so I had fun while it lasted. Since then I've stopped consuming quite so many caffeinated calories but I still get that original buzz whenever I see a new shiny canister in my local shop.

That brief recap of my life brings me nicely to this...

I think it needed more yellow

Don't be coy, you know what Monster is; chances are you've had one before. Seeing this on the shelf sends me right back to November 2nd 2009, writing my first energy drink review. My first review full stop, come to think of it.

It's co-produced (and signed) by Valentino Rossi, Moto Gp champion and owner of the pseudonym "The Doctor" which at least explains the colourful title on the front. As for the sun & moon stencilling or the "VR 46" caption across the rim? I have no clue, but it does look pretty.

So I'm disproportionately excited; as such when I cracked open the can and slurped the enigmatic contents within I was presented with an... anticlimax. It's lemonade. Maybe a bit sweeter, maybe a hint of original monster flavour. But, yep, definitely lemonade.

Oh well. Monster gets a celebrity partnership deal to sell their products with and I get a nice 500ml dose of nostalgia. What more could you want?

Well, a good flavour would have been nice...

A Hearty Swig of Gulp! Milkshake

Apparently Gulp! Milkshake (that's the one and only time I type the exclamation mark) has been around for a while, but I got my first try after spotting it in a local superstore. They were knocked down from £1.25 to 50p as part of a promotion and so, never one to say no to 60% reduced cow juice, I snagged myself a bottle or two.

Why does the colour blue mean vanilla?

The picture doesn't show it but this stuff is thick. Real thick. Double cream thick The vanilla flavour coats your mouth in that distinctive aroma and leaves your tongue like a blanket of cream has just been cast over it. I also tried the banana flavour and was greeted with similar results, albeit both flavours started to get  a bit heavy after a while like that extra spoonful of suet pudding.

Overall? I liked it a lot. But I wonder if my opinion would change if I wasn't giving up 50p for yet another milkshake brand and instead handing over £1.25. That's not awful, but is it worth it on a regular basis? I'd have to say no.

First For Everything: #8 Anchovies

If you look back at my previous FFE posts (First For Everything; it'll become a renowned acronym one day, trust me) I've been dabbling in the creatures of the deep. I don't know why I have avoided them for this long, whether due to unfamiliarity or a squeamish attitude to seafood, but so far my foray has been going well. As such I was more than happy to dive into another one: anchovies.
These small little fish are known worldwide as the little things in tins that you can order on pizza but no-one ever does. When they have been caught 99% of the time they are beheaded, gutted and packed in brine until they have been suitably cured; it's rare to find these fresh anywhere short of the port they come into. Once they have experienced their fair share of salt anchovies are tinned in olive oil (usually) and sent to shops everywhere.

They're so small that the bones aren't even removed. You can eat them as they are.

I had never tried an anchovy before but I knew one thing; they are notoriously strong. Naturally I took this to mean that they were unequivocally fishy, so I braced myself as the tin was wrought open.

As it turns out anchovies packed in olive oil just smell meaty with a slight hint of ocean salt, not potently fishy or off, like that oily smell you get from an equally oily fish such as mackerel (oily, oily, oily). You also get about a table spoon of fish-infused olive oil to use at a later date.

On the tooth they are exceptionally meaty, like a hunk of gammon, and fall apart like a pork shoulder cooked for hours in it's own juices. Then a burst of umami saltiness comes through that takes you aback; that passes to leave a fatty, slightly viscous quality in the back of your throat that reminds you it's a fish. A richness in flavour not too dissimilar to the quality of good salmon, this is what I think could potentially put people off as that oil is the first thing that breaks down in off fish. However if you're partial to any tinned whole fish, such as mackerel or sardines, then these little slivers are just concentrated versions of them.

I could see them working well as the base of a pate or as the salty component in a broth (in place of salt or soy sauce for example). But for me? A single anchovy placed on top of a rectangle of buttered toast with something sweet to drink on the side for antithesis.

Not too many though; these things are SALTY!

First For Everything: #7 Dressed Crab

I seem to have eaten my way through the seafood kingdom over the past couple of weeks and, in an effort to stave off the end of this briny journey, I find myself trying some crab. It's a fleeting happenstance with a crustacean that had already been cooked, dressed and ready to consume

Maybe my cocktail stick usage was ambitious at best

It's prepacked nature did not detract from my experience. It was like a mix between mussel and scallop. A meaty, toothsome texture with a briny, oceanic taste. Slightly salty, yet sweet like a mild fruit. If you mixed a piece of haddock with a mild pear and then added a dash of steak texture, you'd get the idea. That initial taste of raw, slightly off flavour is what might get most people; a "mineral" flavour is the most flattering way to put it. But, for me, this is a balanced piece of flesh fit for any occasion.

Hopefully next time I shall have the pleasure of eating crab undressed and in whole chunks. Unfortunately, so far, my trips to the beach with nothing but a net and some inspiration have netted me nothing.

Pun unashamedly intended.

Scallops Are Delicious; This Is Why

Scallops are entry level seafood. They're sweet, slightly briny, a bite like a good rare steak and an overall meatiness that you would never think could come from a shell. The texture initially falls apart but once you start chewing you get a good mouthful to sink you teeth into. Forget that it's seafood; it's possibly the truest surf/turf hybrid of the culinary world.

Pure wads of delicious fleshiness

They do usually come with an orange sack, which is the roe. Perfectly edible, but with a bit more of an oceanic flavour; perhaps avoid it if you are literally using scallops as a gateway food to the sea as I wouldn't want that putting you off. Don't get me wrong, I think you'll grow to love it but, like good wine, it's an acquired taste.

Although you can do fantastic things with scallops in elaborate recipes I prefer to keep them Spartan; lightly cooked in butter and oil with basic seasoning. They do not need long in the pan; 1 or 2 minutes. This may seem worrying as seafood is, unfortunately, synonymous with illness when undercooked but if you cook it any further than a golden coating you're going to have something chewy and unappetising. When it comes to a scallop flavour is king and texture is queen so you need to pay attention.

Go ahead, convince me you're not at least intrigued

I cannot stress enough how game-changing this food is. If you have a fish-squeamish friend who refuses to eat creatures of the deep due to a bad experience with some flabby oyster that made them sick, this is THE food I would use. If, after eating a perfectly cooked scallop, they still don't appreciate seafood I would simply nod my head and give up. You owe it to yourself as a human being to enjoy these nuggets of perfection.

Cocktail sticks make it a canapé. I promise